Becoming Who You Want to Be

By: Kilondra Davis, MA

 We all have different goals, aspirations, passions, and outlooks in life. A big part of the aspirations that we have, involve being a better version of ourselves. Many of us have an ideal image of who we want to be. Some may visualize being a better parent, spouse, family member, employer/employee, and/or friend. While others may envision a kind, honest, content, successful, and/or emotionally sound person. In whatever way you see your ideal self, it can feel as if becoming that better version of yourself is more of a dream than a reality. The challenge of becoming who you want to be can also be attributed to not knowing how…

Here Are Some Helpful Steps on How to Make the Desired Self- Improvements…

Step 1: Explore Who You Want to Be

  • It can be hard to become who you want to be when you don’t know who that person is
  • Write out who you want to be AND be specific
    • This may include strengths, weaknesses, values, etc.
    • Being specific lets you know exactly what you are striving for. This can even look like writing out what you mean by “being kind” or “successful” for example

Step 2: Explore Who You Are Now

  • Taking an inventory of the character traits you have and don’t have, allows you to see what you need and don’t need in relation to becoming who you want to be
  • This may also include strengths, weaknesses, values, etc.

Step 3: Compare the Gap Between the Two

  • This can help break own how close/far you are
  • Having this visual representation can be helpful in seeing where you are trying to go

Step 4: Make a Plan About How to Get There

  • Now that you see where and what the gap is, you can create steps to close the gap.
    • For instance, if your better version of yourself involves being content with your life. A plan to help with this could include, on a daily basis, verbally acknowledge 5 things you are grateful for.

Step 5: Have Support

  • Having people around you that will support your efforts. It can get tough and maybe even tedious but having an encouraging support system around can be very helpful and motivating to continue.
  • Be supportive of yourself. Give yourself grace and compassion when you are running into struggles, or not getting it right immediately.


“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

Paulo Ceolho

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